“Happy heavenly birthday Zen. At the root of all the emotions I have today there is insurmountable love,” she captioned a June 23 Instagram video of precious moments she spent with her baby before he died Dec. 5. “I always try my best to remain positive but right now I can’t help but cry out ‘it’s not suppose to be like this.'”
Alyssa went on to say that she can imagine Zen “smashing his cake and crawling around.” Ultimately, reality set in and she grieved how she’ll “be the one to blow out his first candle.”
“I will wish he was still here with us,” she added. “GO REST HIGH.”
On the Dec. 7 episode of Nick’s former eponymous talk show, he shared that Zen had passed away after a battle with a rare brain cancer, which the duo learned after taking Zen in for a routine doctor’s visit.